Missing home

My emotions have been all over the place today. Nothing to do with the babies, so don’t panic, I think I am just missing home and David and my other children, especially Millie. Especially little Millie. I know the boys are fine with their dad, and Millie is too, but I just feel she needs me more. I was feeling sad when I rang this morning, but instead of David cheering me up, I could hear Millie crying in the background (she had fallen over) and I just wanted to be with her so badly that I put the phone down and cried. It’s so hard feeling split between two places. I want to be at home with my family, but don’t want to leave my babies either. I think unless you have ever been through the NICU experience you can’t really appreciate how hard it is balancing life here, and Real Life. I certainly didn’t appreciate it until now, despite having previous experience with my surrogate babies.

David brought Millie in to visit today for the first time. She is always so pleased to see me and my heart just bursts seeing her. She runs up to me and hugs me so hard, and strokes me and tells me how much she loves me. Ahhh. She was so well behaved while meeting her new brothers and all the nurses told me how cute she is (which she is, of course). Saying goodbye was hard, I was worried she’d get upset, which in turn would upset me, but she (we) did well. No tears from either of us, unless she cried out of sight.

Both babies are stable, nothing much to report as everything is the same as yesterday. Harry’s oxygen levels have dropped to below 30% which is wonderful and Joe’s are up and down but no where near as high as a couple of days ago.